The Lance Armstrong 2017 London Marathon Cheating Guide

Cheating is not only good for the soul but it is good for business. Do you really want to finish behind your overweight neighbour in the 2017 London Marathon? Or do you want to destroy him with your fastest ever time?

Do you really want to be caught by live TV coughing and spluttering at the 12 mile mark urinating into a drain because you are out of shape and drank too many fluids?

Then you need my help. My name is Lance Armstrong and I am a professional cycling cheat with years of performance enhancing drug taking and drug testing avoidance. I have perfected the art of cheating and now I can do the same for you for the one of the world’s biggest running events.

My exclusive “Win at all costs” package offers the following:

  • Convenient blood & urine vans placed around the route
  • Performance enhancing drug taking in the comfort of your own home or office
  • Latest in undetectable drugs
  • Exclusive Lance Armstrong smartphone cheating app with great tips and advice
  • Cloning of marathon radio tracker to allow route short cuts
  • Psychological counselling to overcome the guilt of cheating
  • Exclusive amateur sponsorship deals
  • Stylist to improve your image when facing the media

Remember some of the world class tennis players and other athletes are sloppy when it comes to cheating, with my years of experience you really will be tasting victory every day for the rest of your life.