Cornish Farmers Paid To Do Nothing

Anger is growing amongst local residents in Cornwall at the revelation this week that Cornish farmers are being paid to do nothing whilst everyone else has to make do on minimum wage.

One lazy local farmer from Kernow who wished to remain anonymous told Civil Unrest:

Town people do not understand our ways and customs. We are simple folk that have always been paid to do as little as possible and this is the same for nearly all farmers in the UK“.

Our hard earned days consist of playing Connect 4 with gold coins, filling our heated swimming pools with milk and driving around Cornwall all day in our 4×4 vehicles looking busy. We place Kernow stickers on our vehicles so that it stops our 4×4 being mistaken for Londoners”.

Tractor Traffic Jams are our speciality and we take great great pleasure in hogging the inadequate roads of Cornwall with our oversized tax exempt tractors running on tax free red diesel. Seeing tourists becoming angry at the wheel as they try to pass is the best bit.

Occasionally we will operate a protest outside a supermarket to give the impression to the general public that we are hard done by, but on the whole we do very little“.