Army To Recruit Spice Zombies For Active Service

With the recent outbreak of spice zombies around the streets and towns of the UK, the Ministry Of Defence has launched a recruitment drive to enrol these drug infested leftovers of society.

Oblivious to pain and emotion they make perfect cannon fodder for deployment into conflict zones. Why risk the lives of hard working soldiers when the spice zombies are more than happy to take a bullet.

The new Army recruits will be fed a diet of spent uranium shell casings with industrial floor cleaner – which means that these drug infested zombies will feel like they are back in the UK and not fighting ISIS.

The first unit formed will act as part of the guard duty at Buckingham Palace. Tourists will be amazed at the urine soaked spice soldiers having the ability to stand to attention for 78 hours flat without a word spoken.

Spice Zombies can also expect to be deployed in the following roles:

  • mine field clearance
  • cluster bomb targeting
  • drone flying
  • nuclear power protection
  • cooking
  • tank driving